Orang KL vs Orang Penang

Saya ada beberapa orang kawan KL. Kawan KL yang kadang-kadang (baca: kebanyakan masa) cakap bahasa Inggeris.

Saya tinggal di Pulau Pinang. Kadang-kadang cakap bahasa Inggeris. Kadang-kadang cakap loghat Kelantan, kalau ada perempuan Kelantan cun di sebelah.

Tapi hari ni saya nak cakap pasal bahasa Inggeris Penang lawan bahasa Inggeris KL.

Sesetengah orang Penang suka guna “I don’t think so that…” sebagai buah mula ayat. Walaupun kebanyakan masa tak perlu.

Contoh “I don’t think so that we can make it there on time”. Perlukah tambah “I don’t think so that“?

Lagi satu contoh

A : What do you think about the recent MCA crisis? Can it be solved with Mat Sembab’s inyervention?
B : I don’t think so that it will be solved in the nearest time.

Tabiat ini Aisyah pernah beritahu saya. Dia dengar dari seorang kawan perempuan dia.

Dan sekarang saya dah dengar 3 orang yang berbeza guna awalan “I don’t think so that” ini.

Kawan-kawan KL saya pula ada tabiat guna perkataan “Apparently…” untuk mulakan ayat.

Contoh

A : We went to Zouk last night. Apparently, it was jampacked with people.

Dan perkataan “Apparently…” ini akan diguna untuk sambung sebarang ayat kedua selepas ayat pertama. Walaupun kedua-dua ayat tiada kaitan langsung dan ada kata hubung lain yang lebih sesuai.

Contoh

” We did not know what to do at that time. Apparently, in the end everyone decided to stick with the first plan”

Ada sesiapa kalangan anda semua perasan perkara ini?

Dalai Lama has sex appeal

Whenever I drop by a bookstore , I find myself feeling a sense of tranquility and serenity.

A sense of tranquility and serenity whenever I look at books that have Dalai Lama as the cover.

Some of it are written/co-written by him.

It’s not that I fancy him.

And then I realise that actually Dalai Lama has an almost symmetrical face.

And most people with symmetrical faces are supermodels like Christy Turlington, Kate Moss.

So Dalai Lama actually can become a male model.

But will he become one? I don’t know.

Does he ooze sex appeal?

Enlightenment is a more appropriate word I guess.

P.S – I am writing this from a cyber cafe since I have not gotten myself a new laptop.
P.P.S – Sometimes I smell some unpleasant smell. I suppose it is coming from the guy next to me.
P.P.P.S – He is gay. I caught him browsing some cute guys in “suspicious” poses in some social networking sites.
P.P.PS – He is a gay with some smelly breath.

Sepetang bersama Nurul Izzah Anwar yang manis

Sabtu lalu saya ikut serta program Young Professional Networking Session with KeADILan Leaders.

Dengar gah bukan nama programnya? Tapi saya bukanlah profesional macam peguam atau akauntan atau doktor.

Sepertiga hari dihabiskan tidur dan sepertiga hari lagi mengkayakan pemegang saham syarikat.

Walau apa pun, program yang saya sebut tadi dijayakan beberapa Yang Berhormat Parti KeADILan Rakyat.

(Disclaimer: I am not a political party member because most of the time I tend to be politically incorrect)

YB Nurul Izzah Anwar antara Yang Berhormat yang hadir.

Orangnya cukup manis. Punya kulit muka sangat halus dan cantik.

Jumpa Nurul Izzah secara daging (in flesh) ingatkan saya kepada masa lampau .

Dulu saya minat perempuan macam dia.

Bertudung ayu, nampak bijak, petah berkata-kata dan tak mudah digoda

Saya minat perempuan macam dia sebab saya tak pernah pacaran dengan perempuan macam dia.

Tapi saya tahu tak akan ada rasi . Fikrah berbeza.

Dia ahli politik. Perlu undi dan dokongan ramai orang untuk maju ke hadapan menjayakan agenda politik yang dipikul.

Saya pula tak perlu undi sesiapa dalam hidup saya.

Saya catarkan hidup ikut mahu sendiri. Saya hidup ikut terma saya sendiri.

Terima kasih Tuhan kerana tak mentakdirkan saya ke laluan itu.

Lebih ironi sorenya (in the evening) saya jumpa crush lama . Waktu tu saya ke Kota Bharu dan tersuka seorang semek Kelantan.

Bila dah jumpa sore tu baru saya perasan dia taklah secantik yang saya fikir selama ini.

Nurul Izzah jauh lebih cantik. Presence Nurul Izzah lebih terasa walaupun duduk lebih jauh dari saya.

Nurul Izzah duduk sejarak 2 meter dari saya dan crush lama duduk sejangkau lengan dari saya.

Sekali lagi saya berterima kasih kepada Tuhan. Dia memang dah atur segalanya dengan cukup molek.

P/S – Saya tengah menekuni Your Erroneous Zone dan The Sacred Self oleh Dr Wayne Dyer.

P/P/S – Masukan ini diketik dari Restoran Paklong Corner Penanti milik Barista Paul Frank.

Developing Your Own Moral Code

Why do some people feels guilty after having a premarital sex?

And why do some people don’t?

Those who experience a “slight discomfort” are experiencing a cognitive dissonance.

And what is that “cognitive dissonance” anyway?

Is KC trying to sound like some newly minted psychologist with this term?

If you look it up in Wikipedia, it goes like this…”Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously”

The first idea is ‘It is wrong to have premarital sex’.

And the second idea is ‘Sex feels great, especially premarital sex’

Therefore a person who holds these two contradicting ideas will feel uncomfortable with his or herself most of the time.

So what is the solution ?

The solution is to develop one’s own moral code.

Dating Program for Single Girls

P/S – I am conducting this workshop with a Law of Attraction trainer friend of mine

Mercedes Benz and Nocturnal Emission

My friend says that for now he does not need a car.

He wants to get a house, and get married. Then he will buy a car.

And that car, will be a Mercedes Benz. He does not want it to be the usual upgrade of Kancil to Proton then to some Japanese car then to the dream car.

He wants to bypass all those. That is his dream.

He will persevere by working hard and save money and make more money.

I told him Mercedes Benz as a dream car is like a wet dream.

He must work hard, persevere to get the car.

In order to have a wet dream, one must not have sex.Or masturbate that often.

If one masturbates too much, no wet dream.

Then I told him I haven’t had a wet dream for quite some times

But I don’t masturbate. He said something must have happened in between.

I just smiled.

He asked if I am a virgin.

I just smiled again.

If Saiful Bukhari Azlan and Elton John are are not virgin, that makes me a virgin.

My Cell Phone and Laptops Are Gone

My house was broken in last Sunday.

I lost my laptop and my phone.

There was no signs of the house being “digeledah”.

My housemate did not lose anything at all.

My housemate said maybe I was a “targetted” target.

But I don’t have any racy photos with any girls in my laptop.

I am no Edison Chen so why steal my stuff?

Borrowing Buddhism for Dating

Sorry guys. I am not writing anything related to the title.

But I will be delivering a simple speech with the same title tomorrow at Farlim.

Those who are able to meet me in person, I’ll share with you guys about it.

So You Want to Charm The Ladies?

“Lucky thing I did not put you on the speaker phone. If not the whole world would have heard you !” said my cubicle mate to the other person on the line while giggling. It was an early morning.

“Did you know what he said? He asked if I wanted to marry him” she told us while laughing. And all of us including that cubicle mate of mine know that the guy was just joking.

But I felt yikes at his joke. A sudden slight yikes. What made me feel that way? That guy has done nothing wrong to me. He was just being funny. But still, I felt weird.

I slumped myself onto my chair and tried to clear up my thoughts in my head. What makes me feel that way? I should have not felt that way towards him.

He was just being charming to my colleague. Am I jealous of him? Hell no ! But wait, he is not like that to everyone. He is not charming towards the other older ladies working in the office. He is not charming to other married woman in the office. And he is not charming to other cosmetically-challenged girls in the office.

He has been practising selective charm.

No wonder I felt that sudden slight tinge of hatred to him. He is not really that friendly to people of the same gender with him. In my dictionary, he is not a full-fledged ladies’ man, even he thinks he is one.

In my model of a ladies’ man, he should be a person that women want to be with, and men wants to be him. But not that guy, I never want to be him.

A ladies’ man charms everybody. He is friendly to everyone that comes into contact with him. His male friends will secretly want to emulate him. And yet they do not mind being led by him.

The elder ladies in his social circle secretly wish that he is a guy their daughters are dating. And the elder guys wish they were like him when they were younger.

And the girls, of course, are fantasizing of having a piece of him. 

That my friends, are the real hallmark of a ladies’ man.

The Art of Doing Almost Anything In Life (Part 2)

The second principle of doing almost anything in life is what we call it The Reflection.

To be exact, anything on the external is a reflection of something in the internal. And what is going on internally is then reflected externally.

In a more concrete and tangible sense, the way we act towards a certain thing is a reflection of how we think about the thing. And the way we perceive a certain thing is expressed into how we handle that thing.

Around 9 years ago, I was very very bad with women. I thought I need to be intelligent , and have a lot of money. Man, I was wrong !

I met a friend in campus. He was extremely good with women. He did not have a car. But I was sure of one thing . Almost all of the most sought after girls in the campus were literally lining up vying to be his girlfriend. Semester after semester.

So being a friend of him, one day I asked him if he could give me one piece of advice . A simple but profound advice on how to be more succesful with women. And he succintly told me that all I need to do is to be comfortable around women.

Simple right? What strikes me the most about that  advice is that being comfortable starts with a comfortable state of mind. At that time, I was being too conscious on how I behave around women. I cared too much if what I say might offend the women and later on I might lose their attention.

From that day onwards, I tried very hard to be comfortable around women. I will think of them as my male friends whom I can just relax, be my real funny self and connect with them genuinely. I bare my naked soul to them. I busted their balls when I need to and I teased them when I feel like to.

And things started to change as well from that day. I started to experience better results with women. More of them were giving signs of being attracted to me. And some were hitting on me blatantly.

And all of these started with a slight change in thinking. I changed from being an extremely self-conscious person to being a laidback-I-don’t-give-a-fuck guy. Which in return makes me feel more comfortable with myself. The chain effect of this is that girls start to feel more relax as well around me and enjoy being around me.

I changed my thinking and the results changed as well.